Three Questions with Meghann Koppele Duffy

Optimizing YOU!

• Meghann • Episode 8

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What if the key to fulfillment isn’t doing more, but doing what’s right for you? In this episode of Three Questions with Meghann Koppele Duffy, I flip the script on productivity and self-improvement by exploring what it really means to optimize you. From discovering your true superpower (hint: it’s not what you think) to identifying your non-negotiables in work and life, this episode challenges you to pause, reflect, and realign. You’ll hear honest insights on why being “busy” doesn’t always mean being effective, how societal pressures can steer us off course, and how leaning into your strengths can change the game, personally and professionally. Whether you’re a movement professional or just someone who has a regular 9-5 that’s navigating burnout or contemplating a shift, this one’s for you.

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Meghann Koppele Duffy: Welcome to Three Questions where critical thinking is king, and my opinions and research are only here to support your learning and understanding. Hey, I'm your host Meghann and I'm so honored you clicked on Three Questions today to optimize you. So this episode I kind of really wanted to do, it's a conversation I have with a lot of my mentees.

Um, it's questions I ask to people I meet and honestly, I am just a really curious person. I find the human condition fascinating. Um, it, it often annoys my husband because kind of if we're like out to dinner or just meet people, I ask a lot of questions and Brian will be like, what is this an interrogation?

And it's not that I am just, honestly, I am so interested and that is why I wanted to bring this conversation to you guys, not so I can impart wisdom to you. Because I don't know how much wisdom do I actually have, but I think these three questions might trigger a response in you to maybe look in different directions or make some changes or lean in harder to whatever you're doing now.

So let's start with question one. What is your superpower? What is it? What are you best at? And what is always so funny to me about this question is people think real big. Like I'm not asking if you can fly. I'm not asking if you can dunk a basketball. I'm not asking if you're great at tennis. I'm not asking any of those questions.

What is your superpower? Think small. What can you do every day with such little effort? What is it? Is it cooking? Is it organizing shit? Is it coming up with ideas for other people to execute? That's a job. What is it? Is it listening? Is it talking? Is it performing? What is it? This is a question. Some people die before ever really understanding or admitting to this question.

Rather than giving you answers, I wanna share some of the mistakes I see when answering these questions. Number one, people are not honest. Yeah, people see my career with the Neuro Studio, you're not familiar. That's my other company and they assume I have this like big connection to neurological conditions.

And in every interview, I don't know if people are disappointed or what, but they asked me how I got started. And I literally got started with working with neuro conditions when I owned a Pilate studio in Hoboken. And a PT called me and said, do you know how to work with ms? And I said, sure. At 24, I had to Google.

What is MS No lie, I had to Google it. Now. When I Googled it, there was like shit information. If there wasn't, I mean, there wasn't any information when it came to movement and it was like stretching. It was like bullshit. Okay. So I'm like, I need to figure this shit out. It's my stubborn nature. It's my need to understand and really kind of help people.

So that's kind of my origin story. That's not my superpower. So superpower is not what got you started, but hear that, that's not like a real groundbreaking story, right? People are assuming, oh, maybe you had a parent who had MS or something happened. Yeah, that might be a more compelling story, but it's not the truth.

Okay? Now, when I am interviewed, it's a lot easier just to tell the truth because that's when stories. Go awry. What's crazy to me is I feel like there's like another Netflix special on a woman faking cancer. First of all, I cannot tell a lie. Oh my God. I used to always get in trouble as a kid. My mom knew I was lying 'cause I would give way too much information.

My mom actually said to me once, stop talking 'cause I was incriminating myself. Few kids got drunk at my house. Christina and Janice, you remember that night? And uh, one of them actually puked on the other one by mistake. That's how we got caught. The mother called my mother. Long story short, two days later, I was sick to my stomach and I had to tell my mom, I didn't just have kids at our house drinking when we were sophomores in high school.

I provided the alcohol that I stole from your alcohol cabinet. And my mom was like, stop talking. You're already grounded. Go away. Okay, so I don't understand this fake cancer thing, but whatever. So back to you guys. What if you hate your superpower? What if your superpower is being an organizational dynamo and you think that's like beneath you.

You went to med school and you're so smart. Um, organ organizing shit. Oh my god, that is such a gift. You know how many people pay a lot of money to help with organizations or you could help companies organize or other doctors organize their shit? Okay. I've seen some doctors very unorganized. I think sometimes we set up these expectations of what we should do rather than what we want to do, right?

I suck at organizing my brain. My life is organized chaos. I wish I had the skills to organize. I feel like, um, my cousin Jen is like this and my sister, like every bathroom has like a soap. Uh, shampoo, conditioner, like it's, there's like just a place for everything. I try to do that and, um, I do this when I file, like I'll create a file, but then I'm like, well, this doesn't exactly fit in that perfectly.

So I create a new file. So I end up having like a hundred files with one piece of paper in it. Is, does anybody else do this insanity? Um, my superpower is being able to talk to anybody I could talk to. The CEO of a company. I could also talk to the person sweeping the floor and be able to treat them the same.

I have what the Irish called the Gift of Gab, kind of fitting for a podcast. My, uh, friend Shanté was trying to tell, tell me to do a podcast for years. Ah, but she's right. It's a great way for me to get my information out and process 'cause it's so easy. I literally just got out of an infrared sauna and my hair is so greasy.

I had to put on a hat. But now I can just sit down and talk to all you. Pretty cool. I also love to teach. I love to teach because I have seen way too many people think that they are not smart in my life and that crushes me. So to any teacher out there who has made a kid feel that way, you are a piece of shit.

I'm not gonna tell these private stories 'cause there are other people's stories to tell, but someone very close to me felt not smart. His whole life was able to complete multiple master's degree online and he is so good at his job. He had a guidance coach and a teacher say he wasn't college material, he wasn't smart enough.

Uh, excuse me. People who don't do well in school are often put in a corner, right? Oh, you're not smart. You're not this, when in fact you just weren't teaching in a way that they understood. Now, I actually excelled in school, used to make my friends crazy 'cause I wouldn't even study and get good grades.

Why? Because when I went to school, it was very lecture heavy, which is why I like to lecture. I love to process auditory information, and I get what I get. Reading comprehension, I'm actually not very good at. It's hard for me to stay focused, so if you talk to me, if you tell me something once it's in the vault.

So everybody thought I was smart. I was no smarter than anybody else, but school was really fit to my learning style. I love people showing people who they are. So I hope in this podcast maybe you see yourself a little better and admit that you might not like what you see. But think, why don't you like what you see?

You are so uniquely you and have such superpowers in what you do that nobody else has, right? There's been times people have literally plagiarized my work and I go like this. I freaking remember though, 'cause I'm petty as fuck. I have a list, but it doesn't bother me because they will never be me. I can share with you everything I do, but you'll never be me, and I will never be you.

So question number one. I really want you to spend some time on what is your superpower, what are you great at, what comes easy, and see how you can incorporate that into your job life. And if you can't change shit. I fricking can't stand when people say, well, I'm stuck at this job, or I'm a tenured teacher.

Bet on yourself. I said to my husband multiple times, fuck tenure, bet on yourself, Brian. He quit a coaching job that could have lost his teaching job. He didn't. You know why? 'cause he's a really fricking good teacher and I probably shouldn't share much about my husband's jobs 'cause that's his, his story, but I would bet on him any day.

Any day. 'cause he's great at your job. If you wouldn't bet on yourself, I want you to go back to the superpower because maybe you're not tapping into it enough, and I promise you, if you lean into your superpower just a little bit, you're gonna have so much more enjoyment and fulfillment in life. When I wanted to switch to exercise science, my parents were not happy.

I wanted to be a health teacher. I loved health in school. I find it fascinating learning about the body. It was the only class, like I really paid attention and liked. They kind of wanted me to do bigger things and my parents were so supportive. They didn't mean it like that. They saw my life going in a different way.

So my dad had always said to me, figure out what you love to do and figure out a way to make a living at it. And they probably had to watch me for a lot of years, struggle financially, which I did. I had a Pilate studio in Hoboken and I owned my own apartment, but man, I was house poor. I had no money. Racked up a lot of debt.

I don't like to admit that, but it's the truth guys. Okay. They, I think they had faith in me. Maybe they lost it sometimes, but they never, they never let on if they lost faith. Right. So it, it's so interesting to just keep at your superpower. I might be new to you, but I've been doing this for 23 years. Yeah.

And for most of my career, nobody was watching, nobody was paying attention. And what's so funny is I still live every day like that, that nobody's watching and nobody's paying attention. 'cause most of the time people aren't. And honestly, if all this goes away, if all my followers go away, if you guys never, if nobody ever listens to this podcast, what's cool is I still have me.

So really lean into it and do not forget. How special you are, and if you're not sure what your superpower is, ask your friends, what, what do you love about me? Or what's so interesting about me?

They'll tell you. Just be prepared for the answer. I remember my best friend Cheryl, who's so fucking funny. If you think I'm funny, and I hope she's not listening to it, it'll go right to her head. Um, she asked Brian, she's like, so what do you love most about Megan? And he said, her personality. And I got so pissed.

I was like, what am fucking ugly? And he was like, um, no. Obviously I'm very attracted to you, but like I've dated attractive women before. But the fact that you are attractive and your personality is why I haven't sh I haven't been able to shake that guy since the day I met him. Okay. But it pissed me off.

Oh, I look her personality, I was like, whoa. And Cheryl thought it was fricking hysterical. I'm sure she pr she does too. And then after that, you know what she said after that, but have you seen her thumb? That's a real friend. A friend who can bust your balls. Now what she means is I have one thumb that is significantly smaller than the other.

So, um, my people watching on YouTube, usually genetically you have it on both thumbs, but I just have what Cheryl calls an um. So of one shorter thumb. I call it my source of power. Um, she finds it revolting, so she wanted to make sure Brian fully examined my thumb before he really wanted to settle down with me.

Okay, so enough about Cheryl, when it comes to your superpower, you can't control that. You're so uniquely, you so lean into it and have some fun with it. Cool. Number two, I feel like I'm gonna piss some people off at number two. Are you working hard or are you competing in the busy Olympics?

I mean, I feel like I can say this because I was like the captain of the Olympic busy team. I remember one time I used to have to commute to New York City, uh, to see clients, and I chose to commute into New York City. I could have worked out of a Pilate studio in Jersey. I didn't want to, I wanted to be in the city.

And after a very long day, I think it was like a Saturday, I had to teach a course and Brian wasn't working 'cause it was a Saturday and he has a normal job. And I got home and he was already in bed and I get in bed and he's like, I'm so tired. And I'm like, you are tired. How dare you be tired? You don't even work today.

And Brian goes, what is it? A competition? And I was like, no, it's not a competition. But if it was a competition, I would be clearly winning. And I kind of laughed about it, but he was a hundred percent right. I was like giving myself value, like, oh, I'm such a hard worker, I'm busy. Oh my God. I was bullshit. I didn't really know what direction I wanted to go in.

I wasn't making great money at that point. So I feel like I had to prove my worth, that I was like busy all the time. Okay? And I see this with parents. Yo, I'm gonna say it. You're gonna probably be pissed, but I don't care. I can't control your feelings. But I'm just saying I don't think you can have it all.

I'm sorry. Working mothers. Cut yourself some slack. You guys are fucking killing it. I don't know how you do it. Okay. I think being a parent is the hardest job. I think. Um, being a mother or father is, um, such an incredible gift you can give to your child, and I think that should be valued. But um, you can't have it all.

Something's gonna sacrifice. I chose not to have children for many reasons, but mostly I did not want to have kids. I wasn't Okay admitting that for a long time. 'cause I was embarrassed of the judgment, but, sorry. That's the truth. So what are you busy with? Are you busy with your kid's? Shit? Like should they be really playing in 17 soccer leagues and doing 20 activities?

Like can't kids just fricking chill. This is why so many kids have anxiety problems is they don't know how to sit still and just like read a book or be by themselves. Like it's okay to not be in an activity and like, no offense, I mean not every kid is gonna be a professional athlete. Like I think we have to be honest about that.

So again, I'm sorry if this is pissing you off. I'm just saying what are your goals? And are you taking the steps to do that with work? So are you actually working hard to reach your goals or are you working ha hard at other shit? Here's the thing, both are fine to me. If I was a mom right now, my goal would be.

My kids, and I'm not judging parents who their goal is business first. I don't even know what that's like, so I'm not judging. You just have to be honest about what your goals are and what you're spending your time doing. I freaking love downtime. Couch time again. God, Cheryl, you're getting a lot of airtime in this episode.

When Cheryl and I lived together in Hoboken, couch time was like an activity. We watched America's Next Top Model with pretzels and onion dip and we did couch time. We weren't on our phones, we were laughing. We were making one of our other friends, sorry, having a such an amazing time. It's some of my best memories of my life.

Also, my cousin, who is no longer alive, would do that with us. And I'm so glad I spent that time doing nothing. And to this day, I spent a lot of time doing nothing. I love doing nothing, and when I'm working, I'm working. And when I'm doing nothing, I'm doing nothing. I don't know how you do that As a parent, it's not my job to give you answers.

I just want you to ask the questions and how you can carve out time for yourself to be busy with the things that bring you joy. If it's tennis, if it's pickleball, if it's doing nothing, if it's walking the dog, if it's cooking, whatever the hell you like to do, figure out a way to do it and stop being so busy and blaming busy on why you are not successful.

One more quick story before we go to question three. I had a discussion with kind of a former friend, we're not friends anymore because she said to me. Oh my God. Women always said, you'll never know what it's like until you have kids. What busy is. Um, and I was like, I know, God, it's so tough being a mom, how, like, you know, whatever, how is it going?

And she the, I'm not gonna go into the full details, but the story, it kind of evolved into, I am only successful because I don't have kids. To which I kindly reminded her. That our careers were never here. I was here before she had kids. Okay. And what pissed me off was she insinuated that I was only here today because I don't have kids, which she was probably right.

That's why it pissed me off. Yeah. I'm able to dedicate work and film a podcast right now with sweaty hair and a hat on 'cause I don't have to pick my kids up from school. Touche. But what she was doing was putting me down to make herself feel better instead of having a conversation. Meg, how does it feel not having kids?

I feel like you can commit more to work and I'm struggling. Like if we actually had an honest conversation, I would've said, I don't know, but I have a luxury you don't have. But she used her busyness to put me down and make me feel less than, and I let her. Right. And then I was saying, well, you know, these are choices I made.

No, she was right. I can focus more on my business because I don't have kids. That's the truth. Where I got butt hurt was, it wasn't same. Same, right. I didn't, I had success in my field and when I say success had owned a business, had gotten to a place. Where she was still trying to get at, but before we had kids.

I feel like I'm over-explaining myself because if you can tell, it still bothers me because I don't think women and men are honest with each other about how we spend our time. Okay. So if you wanna know the truth, I have zero regrets not having kids. And I'm so blessed that my sister did, where I have a niece and nephew and two nieces on the west coast that unfortunately I don't get to see as much, but love the same.

Where I can kind of step in and be fun. Aunt, I am so fricking lucky I don't, moms, you don't always have the luxury of doing whatever you want, but please do me a favor and make some time for yourself and stop judging women who don't have kids or women who are not working because we're not judging you.

Okay? Stop judging each other. We're all doing our best and we all have different jobs. Okay. I don't know if men go through this, any men listening to it. I don't know if you guys go through this, but if you do, same, same. Let's support each other. Okay. I'm gonna get off my soapbox here about the parenting thing because number three to me is the most important question where I wanna finish this up.

What is actually important to, what is actually important to you, and what are your deal breakers? This one's tough. For me, deal breakers. I need downtime every single day. That was the main reason why I didn't wanna have kids. I know my mental health and my load, what I can take. Brian knows Brian's kind of the same.

We kind of go in separate spaces. We spend time together. I can tell what I'm talking too much 'cause he says to me, love you, bye. Like he's hanging up on me. But those are actually deal breakers to me. I wanna spend time with family. I want the ability that I can cancel a session and a meeting because something comes up with my family.

My family comes first. Okay? I warn some students there's stuff that I have to take care of. Just I might have to change my schedule next week because my dad always comes first. End of story. That is a deal breaker for me. So if I was in a job that I couldn't change my schedule or work around my family.

That would be a deal breaker for me. So I work for myself. Being an entrepreneur is not as sexy as it fricking sounds. Sometimes I wish I could just go to work and come home, but I know that's a deal breaker for me. Also, my mental health. My mental health. I need to have variety every day. I don't like the same old, same old schedule.

I don't like sitting at a desk. I tried to work for my dad who was like the best boss for real. Like, oh, like I can't say I'm past progressive bosses, just. Be straightforward with people and don't hold a grudge. If you screwed up, my dad would tell you, but like five minutes later he was over it. So great.

Except it was insurance consulting. Not exciting, right? I couldn't sit at a desk. I could only focus until about lunchtime and then it was like, oh my God. I was like a rabid animal. So my deal breakers are, I control my schedule. I can work from home in sweatpants. I don't have to put makeup on, I don't have to pick out a new outfit every day.

'cause that stresses me out. Um, I get to see my family whenever I want, but I also have to pay my bills because I like nice things. Okay? Those are my deal breakers. What are yours and does your job or your life allow that? Because I promise you, if you actually list what's important and your deal breakers and work back, that might be all you need to optimize yourself.

Okay? You know? Phone detoxes, all these infrared autos that I was just in. All these things are great, but if you are not happy and content in the skin you're in, you're never gonna get there. And it's okay to like kind of suck sometimes. Something I gave my, I gave myself permission. I think, uh, I don't know, maybe it was last, no, maybe it was longer than that two years ago, was that I don't always have to show up.

Perfect. So if I like snap at somebody. Or I like say the wrong thing, or I don't teach a great class, or I piss somebody off. I don't have to be perfect. You piss me off, I snap back. I'm not perfect. I allow myself to not to show up exactly like myself, like I am a grumpy old man inside. I am the happiest, grumpy person in the world, if that even makes sense.

But I used to like. Feel like I had to make everybody around me feel okay. Yeah, that's my superpower. I remember, go back to the beginning. My superpower is being able to talk to anybody and make them feel comfortable. I remember my guy friends in college, they'd always be like, is Koppele gonna be there anytime they brought around a new girl?

'cause they know I would talk to her. 'cause I was like, Hey, everybody's welcome. All right. But that becomes. Your Achilles heel. So what I wanna close off this episode, I know it's a little longer than some of the other ones was. What your superpower is is also your Achilles heel. Our best quality is often our worst quality.

You might be a loyal person that is the best quality to have in a spouse, let me tell you. But loyal people might be. Loyal to jobs, things like that, because that's who they are. I can connect and talk with anybody, but then I also have this expectation that I have to talk and connect with everybody. Like if I'm quiet, do you know what the first question people ask me is, are you okay?

Are you mad? I'm like, no. I'm just freaking listening. But my friends aren't friends with me, so I could listen to them. I have to provide comic relief. I make jokes when people are uncomfortable. I can laugh and cry in the same sentence. I am Funnyish not that funny, but that's why they're friends with me.

Okay. So yeah, it's a burden, right? Like if you watch a, uh, curb your enthusiasm, I'm a middle at a dinner party, right? Okay. Sometimes I wanna sit at the end. I always end up being in the middle After I teach courses, I don't always love to go out to dinner with people. You know why? Because I've just talked for like six hours.

I wanna give other people the opportunity to talk, but then what ends up happening is it's quiet at the table. God forbid there's any quiet, I would feel uncomfortable. Then I have to step in and chat. I don't love that about myself, but that's who I am. Cool. So I hope from this episode, if you felt judged, if anything I said made you feel angry, good.

Sit with that. To quote Bill Burr. I think I said another episode. If you're still angry about it in three days, reach out and we'll talk about it. In no way was did. My intention was to dis parents, especially moms. You guys are the backbone of this fricking world. So I ask everybody today to be nice to your mother, provided she deserves it.

I am very lu uh, very lucky. I hit the lottery with parents, but I know that most people did not win the lottery with parents. So I understand you have to create boundaries with that. But just think about these things, the things we complain about, the things we wanna change. If you can tap into what is important to you and what are your deal breakers.

Utilizing that to create the life you wanna live, especially in your job. It's how you spend most of your time. Figure out what your superpower is and either switch careers or figure out a way to incorporate that skillset into what you're already doing. My favorite students are my older students. Shout out to Julia right now who, uh, believe is 80, who joined our mentorship this year.

Because at 80 she said, I'm always ready to learn something new. And none of us are perfect and we never will be because when we're perfect, it's time to be done in this lifetime. And I got a lot more life to live, so I'm gonna not be perfect for as long as I can. I hope today's episode resonated with you.

I hope you got you thinking about what you do and what you love. And if this episode wasn't for you, totally fine. I'm not chocolate chip cookies. See you next time everyone.