Three Questions with Meghann Koppele Duffy

Sensory Preferences and How They Dictate Who We Are!

Meghann Episode 2

Ever wonder why eye contact is so important when talking with someone or how your underwear can affect your focus?  In this episode of Three Questions with Meghann Koppele Duffy, you might get a little TMI with my sensory preferences but I also tie in research as to why understanding sensory preferences for each person can make a difference.  I delve into various sensory preferences including eye contact, auditory distractions, different types of underwear, and scars like a belly button can affect our movement and focus.  You’ll be challenged to question your own sensory demands and be more understanding of others’ sensory needs.

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Meghann Koppele Duffy: Welcome to three questions where critical thinking is king and my opinions and research I share are only here to support your learning and understanding. Hey, I'm your host, Meghann, and I'm so honored you clicked on three questions today. Because we are going to be talking about sensory input, sensory environments, and how it really dictates who we are as people and how we interact with others.

After today's episode, I want you to laugh, cry, be annoyed, all the above at what we're talking about. But I, I would like it to shift your perspective on maybe the people who are the toughest for you to interact with or maybe the people you interact with the best. So just so we're on a level playing field here, a lot of what I'm going to talk about is based off questions I got from parents that take my courses.

Now my courses are not geared for children. Although you can apply the techniques to children very easily. But it was always just so interesting to me, their questions. And just, to be clear and honest, I have zero kids. I also have no formal education with young kids. So, obviously everything I'm saying, um, you know, take it with a grain of salt.

Because I am not a parenting expert. Nor do I want to be. Parents. I give you all the respect in the world, you're all doing a good job, and hopefully this will make your job a little better. I am very passionate about one job I have in life, which is, uh, being an aunt. So shout out to Anthony, Kaylin, Lizzie, and Emma.

Those are my nieces and nephews, and they are pretty awesome kids. And I learn a lot from them. So, let's get right into it. Question 1. Why do we demand eye contact when speaking? What do you think? Why do you demand eye contact from your clients, your kids, your co workers, anybody in your life? And right now I want you to think, if somebody is not looking at you when they're talking to you, does that bother you?

Like if you're watching me on YouTube, you might notice I look around a lot, and I might not look at the camera. What does that tell you about me? Does that bother you? Think about it. Now, I want to share some anecdotes before we kind of get into the science behind the eyes. Now, this is something I had to learn, and um, I kind of hope my husband doesn't listen to this episode, or maybe I do.

So, Brian has this ability to have a million things going on and not get distracted. I'm the opposite. So if I am not looking at you directly, like making serious eye contact, and if I'm looking at your ear, that's not serious eye contact, I'm not listening. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like that, although I do, but I'm not going to tell you in this episode.

But what I mean is, I need my eyes to gaze stabilize so that my brain can be focused. So, quick science here, gaze stabilization is basically like an eye plank. So, many of you have done planks at the gym, right? So, think of the muscles in our eyes have to stabilize to keep the eyes in one direct spot.

That's not easy. Especially if you've been concussed multiple times, like Now, other people, maybe people with ADD, ADHD, or other neurological things that make them not neurodivergent, they might also have a hard time making eye contact. It's not because they don't want to, but it is very jarring to their nervous system.

So let's just level the playing field right now. Eye contact is not mandatory for listening. Focusing or paying attention. Now, it is if you're talking to me. I'll tell you another little funny story. I was out to eat with a client of, uh, student of mine, excuse me, and her husband. He went to the bathroom and we were talking.

And I was kind of gazing off. I was in Spain. I had never been there before. I was looking around, just loving it. And I, she asked me a question, I had to be like, Yo, Dawn, I, sorry, I wasn't listening. To which she chuckled. Then five minutes later, her husband came back from the bathroom. And no lie, I mean, this dude lives in Spain.

This was not new to him. He's sitting there, she's talking to him, and I shit you not, she asked him a question and he goes, Oh, sorry. I wasn't listening. And, shout out to Dawn for not punching us both in the face. But we laughed about it, and she was like, Oh my god, you two are same same. And it was just so interesting how she didn't take it personal or get annoyed at me or her husband.

And it got me thinking about how I interact with Brian. Now, I sometimes, like, don't do it anymore, but I sometimes slip up and say, Brian, look at me. I've got to tell you something, which totally changes his demeanor, and he uses that tone I don't like. And he does that because he doesn't need to make eye contact with me to listen.

This dude could be in the kitchen, blasting Chris Cornell, singing to Chris Cornell, cooking, and then talking to me. Okay, that is three auditory inputs too much for me. Okay? That's one main reason I did not want to have kids. I cannot deal with extra auditory input. Like in this episode, if my dogs bark in the background, you're gonna see my face shift.

Because those auditory distractions steal my focus from you guys. Now back to Brian. So he has this ability to do 30 things at once, but also listen and remember things. But guess what I do? Hey Brian! Brian! Tap him on the shoulder! Brian! Brian! Which he hates. Okay? I did not know I tap people when I talk to them.

I am really trying hard not to because apparently it's annoying. Didn't know? Thanks, thanks. I'm so glad my husband can point everything out I do wrong. But seriously, I wouldn't have known. Now I tap them because I want them to pay attention to me because I assume they process and take in information like me.

Which, if you think about it, is pretty frickin selfish of me. Hey, Brian remembers things more than I do. Again, please, don't tell him this. And if you're one of Brian's friends and you hear this, this is you're in the vault. And he knows this. So, back to what I do, is I have to let Brian be Brian. Let him do all the things, do this thing he does with his hand that makes noise that makes me crazy, and let him listen.

And it has had such a positive shift on our relationship. Hmm, isn't that funny? When you don't demand people to interact in the world like you do, what a result. So now, back to my question of why we think eye contact is necessary. Maybe neurodivergent child or spouse or clients. Just leave them alone. If they don't get it, they will ask questions.

My neurodivergent clients are my favorite because I know where I stand. I once had a student, um, who came in, excuse me, she wasn't a student, she was actually a client, and I was told she was developmentally delayed and had some cognitive issues. Now what was so interesting to me is the first thing she said to me was, Do you have a hearing problem?

And I looked at her and smiled and I said, I do, why did you ask? And she goes, because you are yelling and I'm standing right here and not gonna lie. It almost made me want to cry. Because I speak loud. Loudly, I'm not good at grammar, whatever it is. I don't think I do. And I only know I do, it's the same thing about the tapping, because people tell me or they back away from me when I talk.

I don't process sound like that. So I have trouble, I'm either whispering or I'm screaming. But it kind of sounds all the same to me. Okay, so if you're in public with me, I warn people. Yeah, I might be like screaming, don't take it personal, but this person who was deemed developmentally or cognitively delayed within 30 seconds of meeting me was able to take in the situation.

She didn't judge me. She actually asked me if I had hearing issues. So to this client, I tell this story all the time because you were the first person in my life at 42 year old, 42 years old that actually heard me and saw me. So how can you guys take that information to your most difficult client?

Difficult child, difficult interaction with your spouse. Can you take your egos out of it and think, am I demanding what I like? Am I demanding more physical touch from my spouse or more hugs for my kids because I need them? And I promise you I don't have the answers but if you think about that question, you are going to come up with your own solutions Now before I go into question two, I do want to talk a little bit about the eyes so if you are having trouble with your eyes focusing it is not just a visual issue.

So while I encourage you to go to a visual therapist and get all that looked into, we have three neurological senses or systems that determine balance. So our visual, our vestibular, which is our inner ear, and our proprioception, which is like how our body knows where we are in space based on our tendons, our joints, our skins, skin, our muscles, and tendons.

So if there's a problem with the eyes, there is often a problem with the other systems, and it's really important to get them to kind of interact and talk and match before we go changing one in a big way. And if you've done visual or vestibular therapy, and they did not take this into consideration, you often feel worse.

If you're having dizziness, or you can't make eye contact, I guarantee, I am actually going to guarantee there are some proprioceptive issues. that are making it very difficult for you to mobilize your eyes. Yes, you heard me knowing where your body is in space and dealing with that sensory information could affect your ability to use, mobilize, and stabilize your eyes.

Which leads me to question two, what is the deal with underwear? Yes, that's the question I'm leading with. That's what I feel like is gonna change everybody's life. Underwear is interesting for me, and can we also put bathing suits in that category? And bras, okay? So I want you to think about, do you like wearing underwear?

Do you like bras? Do you like bathing suits? And I want you to just think about your favorite bathing suit or favorite underwear or lack thereof. And what kind of fabric and seams they have. So something about underwear that people don't realize is, well, I mean, maybe you do realize this, it touches your skin.

But when there's hard seams, does anybody actually like when there's indentations in their skin? You know what I mean? Like, um, I don't want to just say women, but if anybody's ever worn like tights or stockings, it's like, why is that seam digging in there? Or tight at the ankles. Think about that sensation at your skin and our skin is the largest sensory organ in our body.

I call the skin your meat suit. It's holding in all the meat. So the stretch, lack thereof, pressure, lack thereof, sensation, scratching, tickling, any sensation on your skin is going to affect your proprioception. And remember what we talked about in question one, proprioception and visual and vestibular determine your balance and ability to walk and function in this, in this world.

So when it comes to underwear, why this question is so important to me is because every time I talk about my sensory icks or weird things, I get so much comments, emails back to me saying, Oh my God, that changed my world. And I'm thinking about me talking about underwear changed your world. Well, then I'm going to keep on talking about it.

So for me, I like underwears with zero seams. Yeah. And it's the fabric has to fit the same at my waist as at my hips. And I talked about this in episode one. If you've ever seen my body, I have a small waist. And I am more gifted in the hips and the backside, which was not cool when I was younger. Thank you to JLo for making a curvier body a little more acceptable and maybe even going further back to Marilyn Monroe.

But I remember when I finally hit puberty. I think I was a little bit of a late bloomer. Um, my mom had to like take in a pair of my jeans and the legs. Because I had to get a bigger size to fit my hips and my Irish Catholic mother said well, you're Irish We're born to make babies and I said, I don't want to make babies and she went yeah, I don't know what to tell you My mom is literally the best but she doesn't have sensory issues like me So it was hard for her to understand why like everything mattered to me.

Like clothes, why was I always picking at my clothes? Why was I so picky about what I ate? Why was I so picky about what I wore? I mean, imagine how annoying that is. If your kid, like, needs to change their clothes a million times, and then is picking at themselves all through dinner because their skirt is uncomfortable.

Okay? The only problem with this is the bigger problem. It's not about the underwear, guys. It's about what the underwear is doing. So think about the waistband of your underwear and where you like it to sit. If you like a higher waisted pant or higher waisted underwear or higher waisted bathing suit. You like sensory information around your lumbar spine and around your belly button, okay?

Now, covering your belly button might feel good or it might feel bad, which we'll talk about in a moment. But, think about the legs. Do you like tight seams around your legs? That is your hip joint. Do you like a high leg or like a low brief? Now guys, what about boxer briefs? Do you like more of a tighty whitey, do you like more of a speedo, or do you like a longer boxer brief?

Or do you wear boxer briefs because they look cooler, but you really would rather wear a speedo? What would feel best? And some guys like wearing a cup in sports, other guys can't stand it. Now, a cup is not like wearing a thong, although it's a little similar. And I, I don't have, uh, penis or testicles, so I don't really know what a cup feels like.

But I know what it like, feels like wearing a thong. And a thong is interesting because the seam is kind of between your butt cheeks. So it doesn't create sensory input around the back of your hips. Which is why a lot of people like that, okay? Now why this is important? Because in our brain we've got a sensory and motor map.

And the joints in our body, like our fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders, they're all next to each other in the brain map. So, What can happen is we get brain map smudginess. So when we move one joint, like if you're watching YouTube, I'm moving my first finger and my other fingers are moving. Some people, their joint might move.

Okay, this is also kind of why some people don't grow out of um, primitive reflexes. Our brain could have some muddiness and there's overlap. So if you have some muddiness in your brain map around your hips, Your SI joint, that's where your pelvis meets, excuse me, your pelvis meets your sacrum. Your pubic symphysis that's your pubic bone, the front of the pelvis.

The hip joint or the lower back. Any increased sensory input at those areas might make that issue worse. So I do not like a lot of sensory input around my lumbar spine. I like more sensory input around my hips, but not too tight. It's like a true Goldilocks, a situation. So, this came up because a parent asked me, at the end of one of my courses, after I spoke about my sensory issues, Um, Meg, she asked, I go, yeah?

And she looked so uncomfortable. So I kinda like leaned in and was like, You can ask me whatever you want. If I don't feel comfortable answering it, I'll tell you. She's like, okay, do you wear underwear? Now, this is before I went into the underwear conversation. I go, it depends. If you're asking if I'm wearing them right now in these leggings, no, but in jeans and other pants, jeans specifically, yes.

But I'll only wear a specific brand and if they're too tight or too stretched out, I have to throw them away. And she said to me, I fight with my daughter every day about underwear. Why am I doing that? I said, I don't know, you tell me. Now listen, I don't have to be with this kid 24 7. So it's very easy for me to say, just don't let the kid wear underwear.

What are you doing? But, you know, what if the kid wants to wear a skirt? My niece, when she was a kid, she would wear dresses, but she also liked to, like, do karate kicks and flip around. So, you know, kinda wearing underwear is important. Cover all your bits and pieces. So, I said, hey, look at this seam. This is what I prefer.

This is what I hate. And she was like, I think my daughter's the same. And I was like, well, as an adult that still has these sensory issues, if I would have been able to describe to my mother my problem, I know she would have helped me solve it. But I couldn't explain. And I just got moody, and I was a pain in the ass.

Which wasn't helpful to my mother. So, maybe if you say to her, Hey, does this seem bother you? How does this feel? This is how mommy feels. Do you feel that way? Maybe that will help. Or maybe it will annoy your child more. But, every mistake we learn from something. So, without going into any more detail about my underwear usage, I want you to think about what underwear you wear.

What underwear your clients wear, and again, asking the question is not invasive if you ask it in a way that is meaningful. I am addressing your sensory information around your hip. Do you have specific preferences in pants or undergarments? There you go. Also, if you do not have the genitals of a penis or testicles, you do not know how it feels, but it is a sensory organ that does hang.

Women have a harder time understanding their sensations down in their nether regions. Because it's more internal. Men know where their penis and testicles are at, I would like to say at all times. But again, I'm sure some men may say, I don't know. So, understanding that genitals sensations change. Genitals will change in size, shape and texture based off temperature.

Some men like to wear different undergarments in different temperatures, different bathing suits, different situations. While you don't have to be creepy about this shit, you've got to understand it. And people often ask me why I cue testicles, and it's only because of the sensory nature the testicles give to men.

And if you don't believe me, ask a man to touch his testicles and maybe turn your back or ask him to find his pubic bone in which he would find first. So I would use a testicle based cue if a client tended to adjust himself more because that client knows where his testicles are at all times. So if you have a son or a husband or a partner or a friend who adjust themselves, he's not being creepy.

Now somebody might be being creepy, but they don't do it to be creepy. They do it because they need to adjust themselves so they can move better. Guys who don't adjust themselves, it might not be a problem. Same with like breasts. Okay, I'm not gifted in that department, so I don't really need to adjust them.

But, I know a lot of breast cancer survivors are women with, um, implants that may have to adjust themselves, or don't have to anymore because of the different sensory input. So, ask the question, think about it, and come to your own answer. Which leads me to question three. My favorite is, is your belly button a disrupter to your movement and focus?

Let's try it right now. Sit however you are. Don't be weird. Don't change anything. Just inhale and exhale through your nose right now. Now take a finger or two, depending on how big your belly button is, and just touch your belly button. Don't put your finger in it. Just touch it and breathe again.

If you notice an ease of breath, which means it was quieter, longer, easier, less accessory muscles or sensation, that might indicate your belly button is a disruptor to movement. Don't believe me? Try to flex your lumbar spine. So maybe like a seated cat cow, if you know what that is. Or just think you're making yourself into a C curve while touching your belly button and your lower back.

Touch one of the bones on your lower back and your belly button. And see if you can flex your lumbar spine without changing the distance between those two fingers. Not letting them get closer and not getting further away. Notice, do you have more sensation in your abdominal muscles or less? Just notice and observe.

And if this is really piquing your interest, touch a scar on your body, but before you touch it, don't touch it yet. Take a breath in and out through your nose, then touch that scar and breathe in and out again.

Is that scar disrupting you? Now, interestingly enough, I have a giant scar on my arm from skin cancer removed. Me touching that scar actually makes my breath worse. So any sensory information to that scar would not be good. That scar does not need to be released or adjusted at this point. My brain needs more stability to support that limb movement.

It's not safe yet. Now when it comes to my belly button, when I touch a finger on it, my breath gets easier, I feel better. So my belly button is disrupting communication from my lower and upper body. And if you don't think that's important, then maybe you don't enjoy walking because walking is the ultimate communicator of all three systems visual vestibular proprioception and communication of our upper and lower body.

If you were like, holy crap my belly button is creating a shit storm, put a piece of kinesio tape on it or just touch it during exercises and do a unilateral approach to help train your sensory systems to adjust and align so you don't have to touch your belly button anymore. Now my belly button is a big disruptor now because I just recently, about three months ago, got a giant tattoo on my right side.

Shout out to my tattoo artist in California. She takes your dog's paw print and puts their profile in the paw print. If you want her details, DM me. She is amazing. Highly recommend. And out of all my tattoos, I could not believe how much it didn't hurt. But speaking of sensory input, because that's what this is all about.

It didn't hurt, but created damage to my skin. So right now that tattoo is a bit of a disruptor. As everything, I take it day by day and working through it. So to summarize, when it comes to sensory input, I want you to question yourself. Are you demanding the same sensory environment and the same neurofocus from the people in your life as you demand for yourself?

Are you unsure of your sensory preferences or what you like? Well, you should look into that because asking for what you want and need is so amazing. It sets boundaries. It makes you feel better and it sets the groundwork for you to show up as yourself a hundred percent of the time. Number two, ask yourself how your underwear, bra, undergarments, clothes are affecting the sensation into your skin.

I have a friend who wears jeans when she works out. I think I talked about it in episode one, but I talk a lot so I don't remember. I'm assuming she likes to wear jeans because the sensory input it gives to her legs. Pretty cool stuff. Last but not least, is your belly button. The first place we were fed and the first trauma in our own body or scar.

Is that affecting communication of our sensory systems throughout our body? Or could scars be disrupting? So answer those three questions. One of them, none of them, whatever you do, just enjoy the rest of your day. Stay curious and I cannot wait to hang out with you in episode three.